Let Me Be Myself

When Jon was in DC visiting, we hung out and had some great great times. He loved the fact that Rhett would come jump on his bed every morning and wake him up. Again, I will say how much I loved Jon and Rhett's relationship. They lit up the room with their love for each other. Jon and me would walk to Starbucks and get coffee while Josh and Rhett stayed at the condo.
He asked me a hundred times if I had heard the song "Let me be Myself" by 3 Doors Down.
I being in 2 year old kids song mode, obviously had not heard it.
Finally, one day I downloaded it for him on itunes. I didn't even listen to the words.
I have been looking in the cracks of the couch and all around for something he left here, and haven't found a thing. This disappointed me a little bit.
Tonight Josh and me were looking for a Third Day song on itunes and I came across the song I had downloaded for him. I had completely forgotten about it.
It completely blew me away and sent me into a breakdown. Here are the words to the song.

I guess i just got lost
Bein' someone else
I tried to kill the pain
Nothin ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hopin to come back around
To find myself someday
Lately i'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok, but tell me
Please, would you one time
Just let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Would you let me be myself

I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world i knew
Take back all of these times
That i gave in to you
Lately i'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok,
but tell mePlease,
would you one timeLet me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
And let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind
Let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
That's all i've ever wanted from this world
Is to let me be me

-This song just spoke volumes to me. Because so many times I didn't understand him. He even said that so many times.
Now I understand him.
We knew he had struggles. He had triumphs too! I am so thankful that in his last few months, he found people to understand him, people that were going through the same things he was.
I have felt this coming on, because I have had some really good days. I am glad that I found this song because it gives me a little bit more of a glimpse into Jon's heart and mind. I first found it as a discouragement. I felt like I should have understood him more. I just felt so sad that he had to endure pain like this. I quickly realized that Satan is at work all of the time. He is trying to take away my peace.
I feel like now that as Christian's, we have to try and be more understanding of people. We can't be so judgemental. We take so much of peoples struggles and instantly degrade them, talk behind their backs or simply judge them in our heads. We need to put a little bit more of Jesus on and show them love and compassion. We don't have to fully understand them, we just have to love them.
One thing Jon and me talked about a few weeks ago was how much he hated to hear someone talk bad about another person. He said, I know people don't really mean harm by it but I just don't like to hear it. He got so fired up about it. That was Jon. He showed people love and compassion no matter what. I never heard him say a bad thing about anyone. He always gave them the benefit of the doubt.
Jon Willingham is leaving behind a wonderful legacy. He lives on through people and the stories people remember about him. So even though he had valleys, he had mountains too!
Now through his wonderful examples, he is having TRIUMPHS! Through Jon there can be many more mountains!
People come in and out of your life. God sends these people in your life for a reason. Jon was one of those people to me. Through Jon I am seeing glorious glimpses into our wonderful Lord. Thank you Jon. I love you and always will.
Please continue the prayers you are sending up on behalf of our family. We appreciate each and every one of you for your love and support.