Friday, June 26, 2009

Let Me Be Myself

When Jon was in DC visiting, we hung out and had some great great times. He loved the fact that Rhett would come jump on his bed every morning and wake him up. Again, I will say how much I loved Jon and Rhett's relationship. They lit up the room with their love for each other. Jon and me would walk to Starbucks and get coffee while Josh and Rhett stayed at the condo.
He asked me a hundred times if I had heard the song "Let me be Myself" by 3 Doors Down.
I being in 2 year old kids song mode, obviously had not heard it.
Finally, one day I downloaded it for him on itunes. I didn't even listen to the words.
I have been looking in the cracks of the couch and all around for something he left here, and haven't found a thing. This disappointed me a little bit.
Tonight Josh and me were looking for a Third Day song on itunes and I came across the song I had downloaded for him. I had completely forgotten about it.
It completely blew me away and sent me into a breakdown. Here are the words to the song.

I guess i just got lost
Bein' someone else
I tried to kill the pain
Nothin ever helped
I left myself behind
Somewhere along the way
Hopin to come back around
To find myself someday
Lately i'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok, but tell me
Please, would you one time
Just let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
Would you let me be myself

I'll never find my heart
Behind someone else
I'll never see the light of day
Living in this cell
It's time to make my way
Into the world i knew
Take back all of these times
That i gave in to you
Lately i'm so tired of waiting for you
To say that it's ok,
but tell mePlease,
would you one timeLet me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
And let me be myself
For a while, if you don't mind
Let me be myself
So i can shine with my own light
Let me be myself
That's all i've ever wanted from this world
Is to let me be me

-This song just spoke volumes to me. Because so many times I didn't understand him. He even said that so many times.
Now I understand him.
We knew he had struggles. He had triumphs too! I am so thankful that in his last few months, he found people to understand him, people that were going through the same things he was.
I have felt this coming on, because I have had some really good days. I am glad that I found this song because it gives me a little bit more of a glimpse into Jon's heart and mind. I first found it as a discouragement. I felt like I should have understood him more. I just felt so sad that he had to endure pain like this. I quickly realized that Satan is at work all of the time. He is trying to take away my peace.
I feel like now that as Christian's, we have to try and be more understanding of people. We can't be so judgemental. We take so much of peoples struggles and instantly degrade them, talk behind their backs or simply judge them in our heads. We need to put a little bit more of Jesus on and show them love and compassion. We don't have to fully understand them, we just have to love them.
One thing Jon and me talked about a few weeks ago was how much he hated to hear someone talk bad about another person. He said, I know people don't really mean harm by it but I just don't like to hear it. He got so fired up about it. That was Jon. He showed people love and compassion no matter what. I never heard him say a bad thing about anyone. He always gave them the benefit of the doubt.
Jon Willingham is leaving behind a wonderful legacy. He lives on through people and the stories people remember about him. So even though he had valleys, he had mountains too!
Now through his wonderful examples, he is having TRIUMPHS! Through Jon there can be many more mountains!
People come in and out of your life. God sends these people in your life for a reason. Jon was one of those people to me. Through Jon I am seeing glorious glimpses into our wonderful Lord. Thank you Jon. I love you and always will.
Please continue the prayers you are sending up on behalf of our family. We appreciate each and every one of you for your love and support.


  1. Ginger,
    I first off want to say I have ALWAYS looked up to you! You are one of the most Godly people that I know. This morning as I read your blog I just cried with you! I want you to know that I see God and he is with you. He let you find that song, and is trying to comfort you in a way. I cannot imagine what pain you are feeling. Jon was an awesome guy! I always loved seeing him at the courthouse because he would always make me laugh. It was rare that I ever lifted weights, but he would always do cardio and weights, but if he saw me or anyone else he knew he was the first to greet them. I just loved his heart. He ALWAYS showed kindness, and Godly actions. He always asked about Seth and I appreciated that. He was so thoughtful. He obviously did have struggles as we all do, but he was a great guy, and he will forever be missed. Please remember that if you or your family ever need anything remember that I will be here. I am sorry I didn't get to see you at the funeral, but I want you to know I love you and your family and will be praying daily for you. You are so strong and Godly. You have a precious heart and I thank you for sharing your thoughts. In Him, Shera

  2. Thank you for sharing the lyrics...beautifully written and expressed. I think of you and your family daily and am continuing to pray.

  3. Hey Ginger, just a quick note to say I was very touched by what you've written here about Jon. I feel sad and a bit inspired, all a the same time, and I appreciate you sharing your heart so much.

  4. I have no doubt Jon is smiling down with that goofy grin on his face thinking, "They finally get it." It may take us a while, but God has mysterious ways of helping us to wake up to the world He has so richly blessed us with. Jon would be amazed at the lives he has encouraged even after his passing.

  5. Super mom...where do I begin. I finally got a chance to sit down and read these recent 2 posts. My mom has also been keeping up w/ y'all through your blog and just loves reading what you have to write. I'll have to share a story w/ you about that 3 Doors Down song that you'll get a kick out of. You know how much you and the Hammer and Hammer Jr. mean to Brooke and I. Y'all make us better people on a regular basis and more importantly, better Christian people. You know how much we loved Jon too. His smile and laugh will never escape my memory. We're all continuing to pray for y'all and can't wait to make a trip to see y'all. Give little man our love.

  6. Ginger,
    I don't know if you remember me but i have met you numerous times....I am PJ's wife, Vanessa. I ran across your blog on a facebook page and i just wanted to let you know that we are praying you y'all daily. If there is anything that we can do you y'all don't hesitate to let us know. I know how hard this can be as a wife and a mother to experience this. I'm sure Brock told you that Patrick lost his little brother last October. The only advice I can give and it looks as if you're already doing it is to look to God for everything. -vsj

  7. I've just now found this blog. You have a good heart, Ginger. It's really amazing how close you were with Jon. I had the pleasure to work with Jon at Lambert for several months. He had a great sense of humor and was always making us laugh. After his departure, I had always hoped he would receive the help he needed and was pleased to hear he was getting it. The last time I seen Jon, he was cutting the grass at Lambert, it was deathly hot and he was burning up. You could tell he wasn't feeling well from the heat. I went to my office, got a FUSE drink I had in the refrigerator and gave it to him. He downed most of it on the spot. We chatted a bit and he thanked me and continued to work. I left to go home not knowing it would be the last time I would see him.

    I know you guys miss him a lot. My heart goes out to you and your family as you all cope with this terrible tragedy. Send my best to Josh. Take care and God Bless!
    Clayton Mitchell


I would love to hear what you think!