It has been a long time since my last post. As I begin this new one, I am not even sure I can write it.
Right now, Josh is at the field trying to go on with his everyday life as best as he can right now. Rhett is fast asleep. Denise, David and family are in Gulf Shores trying to enjoy a vacation they look forward to every year. It is difficult to be away from all of our family and friends during this time but we can do it because we have a God that can be 2, 3, 4......places at once.
I don't even know where to begin right now and I will go ahead and apologize for my scattered thoughts.
It has been 10 days since Jon passed away. We are making it. We have good hours and bad hours. God is not giving us anything we can't handle.
Josh was called by our wonderful God to talk about Jon at the funeral. We had been talking about Jon Saturday night and I left the room for a moment. Josh came into where I was and said he was being led to get up there and talk about his brother. To show everyone Jon's heart. All I can say is that he was definitely called. There is no other way Josh would have or could have gotten up there. He began to write and the words flowed so easily for him. He got to a point where he had to take a break. He then came in the room and said that God had given him the exact words to say and that he was going to write them down. Those words are what has gotten us through these last several days. It had to do with where Jon's heart was. He was finally right with God. Jon had found his FAITH. He was a new man, yet the old boy we had missed for so long. God took Jon when he was ready.
I have to brag on Josh. When he got up there and stood so strong talking about his brother, I saw a mature GODLY man. Josh is truly a righteous man. I am so proud of him. He wanted others to see into Jon's BEAUTIFUL heart. God allowed him to do that and Josh recognized it was from God.
Jon was a sweetheart. He was the kindest most gentle good-hearted person I knew. That is a fact.
I believe with all of my heart that Jon is affecting so many people.
My daddy had a great point regarding Jon giving his heart to help someone else live: He said, there was someone out there that needed a heart. There were people praying for that person. Someones son, Dad, brother, sister, mom, daughter or friend needed that heart. God didn't choose that person over Jon. He answered both prayers. Jon doesn't have to suffer on this Earth anymore. He is able to finally be free from the struggles we all have on this Earth. Jon's burdens have been lifted. As horrible as it is to miss Jon, someone else is living. Someone else can now help others.
Jon struggled. There is no doubt about that. We ALL struggle. His struggles were no different than any of ours, they just had bigger, more obvious consequences. Jon was working hard to overcome them. Jesus died for a reason. His grace is AMAZING. The words to "Amazing Grace" are ringing loud in my ears.
I believe that through Jon's death, there will be changed hearts. My heart is forever changed now. All I want to do is "Go tell it on the mountain!" Where would we be without God right now? I cannot imagine.
Josh and me are sad. Our hearts are very heavy at times. There are more horribly sad days to come, I know. But we have a peace. A peace that only our Heavenly Father can give. He is so good to wrap his arms around our hearts and protect them.
Jon was a good buddy to me. I loved Jon so much. I loved hanging out with him. We had some long and wonderful talks just weeks ago about his struggles and his new found faith. He was trying so hard. He was so excited about his new life. He couldn't wait to show me verses in the Bible and paragraphs from books that was helping him. He was a work in progress. "The God thing" was really coming for him and making sense. I am so THANKFUL for those glimpses into his heart and mind. He made me laugh so much. I loved how he played with Rhett. He got on his level, like he did with so many kids. He made them feel so special. He got Rhett a Matchbox race car set for Christmas. They loved to play with that thing. Rhett will miss his sweet Uncle Jon.
I am reminded of Jesus and how he gave his life for us to live. TO LIVE. He literally suffered and died for us so that we may live. What are we doing to live? Are we living a life that is worth what Jesus did for us? I had become so complacent. Already through Jon's death, I see the point. I want others to be able to experience the peace that I have been given and the peace that Josh has been given. I feel like now I am on a mission. A mission I should have started a long time ago. That mission is to live that life that is worthy of Jesus' death.
Jon is forever in our hearts. I will always be reminded of his beautiful heart. I will miss him dearly, but am reminded that I will see him again someday.
That day will be a glad day.